Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
