why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
