That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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