Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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