When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
