I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's always time for handjobs
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
