the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
