I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize