So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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