hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
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Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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