Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
