my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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