I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
