Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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