if you like me you must not know who I am
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
