went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
