I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
