Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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