I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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