my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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