"it" just moved
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my sisters under your porch take her home
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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