YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
