To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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