Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
