Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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