it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
