dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
