I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
