i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
