I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
