I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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