Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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