I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
