Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
