i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
