hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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