Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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