i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
