why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
