We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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