that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
