My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
