If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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