OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
