you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
