The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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