If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
