what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
