True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
