I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
