how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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