Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
