i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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