i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
