Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
