Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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